Fossil Findings

Egads! Eric Seagull showed me a copy from the Journal of Ornithology that some mysterious fossils were found within the sedimentary rock of the galapagos islands. When they were reconstructed, they appear to be of primitive birds that show signs of human characteristics. The shape of the beaks indicate that primitive speech may have been possible. The size of the craniums were also larger than normal birds. They are not like Dean Owelle and myself, however, because the fossils show more of a wingspan, suggesting these creatures were able to fly. In short, these fossils seem to represent intermediate forms between normal birds and humanoid talking birds. Bird primates, if you will. Now all we need are some preserved samples of genetic material from these past generations, but I hear that's hard to come by. Maybe there's one of these bird creatures still in existence, walking (or flying) around the islands that we can invite into a study. Although I'm not sure if we could get it to fill out the consent form.

Origins of (Birdley's) Species

So what's up with these talking birds? And where did we all come from? I've been working tirelessly to trace back my family tree but the details remain shrouded in mystery. According to the tree I've reconstructed, I am a 3rd generation bird immigrant. My family came to America from the Galapagos Islands in the early 20th century. According to some scientists' journals I got ahold of, the first species of talking birds were discovered on the Galapagos Islands many generations ago...before the days of Charles Darwin. Scientists found some odd-shaped eggs that were unlike any they had seen before. They observed these eggs day after day, and ultimately they hatched. Upon seeing these eggs they found that the baby birds that hatched from them possessed an odd humanoid limb structure, and that their intelligence was abnormally high. Knowing that these birds would be experimented upon mercilessly if they were discovered, the scientists took them into the caves and began teaching them on their own. Over several centuries, these birds developed their own culture and language, which remained confined to the islands for quite some time. While initially tribal, it became sophisticated and civilized over many generations. Some of our kind made it to Europe and worked with great scientists as apprentices, such as Theodor Schwann, Alfred Wegener, and Robert Hooke. Of course, none of this showed up in the journals. Scientists held clandestine meetings about these mysterious birds but did not make them known to the larger world.
Genetics. Essentially we are viewed as the next step in bird evolution. Geneticists have of course taken to our genomes with great enthusiasm. Upon comparing our DNA with those of common birds, they have found that a latent DNA sequences, which were primarily written off as "junk" DNA in other birds, were made active by a mutation. This mutation most likely was a promoter sequence combined with start and stop codons that "switched on" these inactive sequences in our species. The activated sequences then activated new neural pathways and developmental patterns which caused us to become more human-like. That is the recent theory, anyways. But the question still remains: where did these sequences come from? Scientists maintain that our ancestors' genomes recieved human-like DNA from viruses, which integrated their DNA into ours. This theory has yet to be developed, however.
Culture. It was not until recent decades that the talking bird species have been integrated into society. We were granted human status about a decade ago, and have since been able to partake in larger society. While many of us were concerned about how society would respond, humanity has for the most part been welcoming. Why is this the case? Some explain this through karma: almost without fail, anyone who has tried to do wrong to a talking bird has come upon severe misfortune. For example, a fellow who tries to mug a talking bird almost invariably comes down with the severe flu in 24 hours. Other explanations include how people respond to talking birds. Because we resemble cartoon characters from childhood, people tend to respond well to that. That is all I have to say for now about the species of talking birds that exist today. More information as it develops. - Dr. B

Lark's Inventions

I finally got ahold of Lark's latest Zoom Glove prototype, which you can use to temporarily miniaturize yourself by creating a space-time bubble around you. I tell you, the amount of physics he had to know in order to design one of these things is unreal. It has to be one of his greatest inventions. Upon being miniaturized to just a few microns high, I climbed into one of my petri dishes and started observing a slime mold up close. It was pretty cool to see the slime mold dart around looking for food, until it came right at me, covering me with its plasmodial ooze. As the slime mold crawled out of its dish (as they tend to do), I followed it across the lab bench and saw that it was actually headed for bag of oats lying on the lab bench. At that point the effects of the Glove wore off and I returned to my normal size. It was a good thing too because the staff meeting was just beginning.
Like myself, Lark is professor at Flockhart academy. He is an inventor at heart and spends many long days and late nights working on new contraptions. Some of which bring us a good deal of grant money, and others remain top secret because of their potential to be misused. His other inventions include:

• a device that tracks the horizontal and vertical velocity of a moving object
• a digital watch that can be used for time travel
• goggles that can be used to examine the atoms and molecules within an object
• a working model of the earth, complete with a magnetic field and convection currents

Lark also happens to be a great field microbiologist and is always fine-tuning his microscopes so he can delve deeper into the world of the microbes. If there are any additional far-fetched contraptions that have not yet been invented, he'll probably get around to it.

Eric Seagull and the Cliffs of Dover

The cliffs of Dover have been amazing. Apparently not only are they made of thousands of fossils, they are also of great historical significance. Gina and I have been collecting chalk samples for several days now. We've also been going to some great restaurants around England. I've attached a picture of the cliffs to give you an idea of what they look like.

The bird who connected to Dover is Eric Seagull, the new professor at Flockhart academy. He has a background in geology and has done quite a bit of work in microbiology and the marine sciences. He is also a rock fanatic. The first day he moved in he brough a pick-up truck full of every rock imaginable. He has travelled the world looking for rocks and exploring geological features. He has ventured into the insides of volcanoes and has taken submersibles to the ocean floor. We're not exactly sure where we're going to put his rock collection but we are excited to have him. He also has done a lot of work with fossils and has done quite a bit of reserach on archaeopterix, the first bird. He is certainly a great addition to the faculty here and we all look forward to working with him.